I prefer...

the feel of an actual journal in my hands. It is far more organic and makes for less typos.

Oh, the holidaze!!!

Well, been seriously neglecting writing on all accounts. I've been trimming trees, sipping egg nog, wrapping and unwrapping presents, cooking, baking, and most of all EATING! We also had one ill advised trip to the casino where I discovered the true meaning of losing one's shirt. It's all settled back into a normal rhythm now and I'm back to plotting and re-plotting my course for the rest of my life. It has been interesting. I'm just getting back into reading. Trying to decide whether or not to start the Harry Potter books. I know I'm about 20 years too old and 10 years too late for that kind of consideration, but the last movie was the first that truly intrigued me. I'm enjoying writing this but it feels more natural to put my thoughts into a private journal where only I can be embarrassed by my own words.

Not so fast...

Well, sickness had it's vile way with me again. Bleeding ulcers and anemia. Can a girl catch a break?

Anyway, about my writing. I got this concept in my head that I thought was really good. I made my outlines, set my characters set up the structure. The thing should have written itself from there. I found because it was so jam packed with concept, I found it really hard to find a strong and unique voice for each character. As I was writing, it became clear that it one character talking to himself, LOL. Probably should not have tackled something so broad whilst tired and in pain so I've put that piece aside for now.

Oddly enough, the second I made that decision, a new concept sprung into my weak little mind and two days later, I have a complete rough draft of a play in two acts. 110 pages of dialogue where my characters are crystal and developed. That one really did write itself. Strange how the mind works.

Finally sorta healthyish! Victory is mine...

Yep, that flu was a bitch. I think the mind is powerful because I willed myself well just in time for Turkey day!. I love Thanksgiving and stuffing and pies. I have the weirdest allergies. I'm allergic to Cinnamon. Have you ever heard of such a thing? I usually dose up on Benadryl and eat some pumpkin or apple pie because it's just that worth it, but not this year. I have been sick for so long that I tried cherry pie. I LOVE CHERRY PIE! It was so good and my eyes didn't swell shut.

I'm also allergic to oats. Terrible thing to be allergic to. I found this out when I got Aveeno lotion after getting hives from Pumpkin pie. The hives got worse. LOL. I had allergy testing done and the doctor said, "I've never seen such an odd assortment of allergies." Grass, oats, cinnamon, wool (very common) and wood were the big hits. Impossible to live allergy free with those allergies.

It dropped down to 40 degrees here in Florida last night. Cold. Cold. Would you light my candle? Yea, we are not used to such temperatures here. It's warming up now but it's taking its time. I hope to get back to writing soon. I've been out of it for far too long.

Bad day today...

I feel like I've been sick forever. I actually felt good enough to rejoin the world today but it only lasted a few minutes. I got out of bed and was back in it about 40 minutes later. The kidney stone passed and then I got this horrid flu. Not the piggy flu but it might as well have been. When you are left to dwell too long, your mind gets the better of you. I have been wallowing a lot lately and I'm tired of my own thoughts.

"I was hiding under your porch because I love you..."

Pixar does some of the best story telling in their movies. I have an almost unhealthy obsession with Wall*E. I love him. There was a mix up over movie times when I went to see UP and I wound up having to see Ice Age 2. I finally got the chance to see UP today. I love it. The man carried a house on his back. Ah, yes, the weight we all carry of loves lost. I'm living proof. I can pretty much guarantee that movie was made for me. I want the dog. I want the bird. I want the flying house.

My neighbors are this adorable couple. They are probably over 100 years old. Every day when he takes out the trash, she watches him from the doorway. When he slips behind the dumpster, she stands on her tippy toes to try and get a glimpse of him. She relaxes only when he reveals from behind the dumpster once again. This process takes about 20 minutes because he walks a little slower than Tim Conway used to on the Carol Burnett show. Really, they are what it is all about.

The kid poisoned with Halloween candy is doing better and did not need a transplant. He has a bit to go before he can go home. No other kid got sick.

My kidney is still pumping but the stone has not quite been liberated yet. The doc says he wants to wait until next Thursday, if I can handle it. Since I don't have the strength to kill him or the money for a good lawyer to get out of it, I guess I'll have to make it. Still too sick to really sit and write too much, but I had to express my love for UP.

No writing, no living. no nuthin...

Percocet is not so great after all. Sick, sicky, sickness rule my world.

SYTYCD- I'm almost upset that I stayed awake long enough to watch. This season is garbage. Nigel's childish rants are getting old and Mary's screaming is hurting my kidney. Sh! Stop the hoochie. Save the show!

A Mighty Heart...

First- Kidney Stones are bad. Percocet is good. That is the gospel according to me.

I watched A Mighty Heart. The best performance Angelina Jolie has ever given. What a tragic story but Marianne Pearl sums it up best- "Terrorism effects us all." We are in our own mess in this country. Another shooting. What is happening? I hate how the news media keeps saying the shooter was unemployed and has money problems and that is the reason he did it. Millions of American's are unemployed, underemployed or on a reduced schedule at work. The guy was crazy, whether his circumstances pushed him there or not, he killed people because he was nuts!

I watched the new Family Guy and the show afterward. I don't know if they were just funnier or if it was the Percocet but I actually laughed my stomach muscles into fatigue. I haven't felt much like writing lately. I talked to my friend who is received a genius grant for his poetry what he thought of my stuff. He said, "You take freestyle a little too seriously." When I asked him to explain he said until I figured it out on my own, I would never get there. I told him he's paying for lunch.

In other news, Buddy has a lump. Buddy is an extremely obese rat terrier with an insatiable appetite. He has lost about 50% of his body weight since he came into my life but he is still really fat. The vet said it's a fatty deposit and more might pop out as he continues to lose weight. They are benign but he looks lumpy. I told the vet I was just going to get him fatter so I couldn't see the lump and I can now state that vets have absolutely no sense of humor.

Sickness and other stuff...

There has been a lot of drama since I last wrote anything. One of the kids from the school is suspected to have received tainted candy for Halloween. He is in a medically induced coma with leaking heart valves. It's a different world today then when I was a kid.

Maine voted down equality. If I had a job, I would go out and buy one of those dresses and bonnets the Amish wear so I could be fashion forward for the first time in my life because we are headed in the direction of moral judgment as law. Perhaps it's time to legally establish whether or not adopted children can legally be called children, after all it's different. As it seems we are slipping further and further into a puritanical society, there seems to be more violence and hatred than ever. Fort Hood. As much of a pinko liberal as I am, I have always been equally patriotic. It makes me so sad that brave soldiers who survived the war and were receiving honors for getting educational degrees were gunned down by an American. It's overwhelming.

Unemployment extension. Although I am grateful for being able to receive my paltry unemployment for a bit more time, I would much rather have a job. I've been hitting retail establishments hoping that they will need help for the holiday season. Please let me attain the ranks of the underemployed. It will be a huge step forward for me. I'm spending way too much time contemplating the American work product lost while these politicians stand their ground. It seems that GOP was determined to delay the vote as long as possible to make Obama look bad. Well, Obama already looks bad to those of us who can't find work. A couple more days delay and I would no longer be considered in unemployment numbers. Way to go!

On the lighter side of things. So You Think You Can Dance. I'm not happy with the choreography this season with one notable exception. Stacey Tookey's "Fear" routine was so brilliant. I had tears on my eyes. Legacy, where the hell has that guy been? I watched all of it and he was featured a lot. My thought was here is the next guy that will be brilliant in his own style while making highly trained dancers look bad in the partner dancing. He has more than proven me wrong. Kathryn has always been one of my favorites. When he wrapped himself around her midsection and she held him without a waiver while pushing him down. Wow. Just Wow!

So with all this stuff going on in my real world, I needed to laugh. I went to view the video I referenced earlier in this blog. It has been deleted. It was called "The Audition" with Mitch Jarvis, Wesley Taylor (both from Rock of Ages), Matt Doyle (My Melchior from Spring Awakening) and Van Hughes (My Link from Hairspray.) I can only imagine that there was a outcry because of the last part. People, sometimes we all need to laugh- at ourselves...at others. With all that is going on in the world, we just need to laugh. I need to laugh. So if any of the above mentioned people want to make a video about an Ivy League educated woman who winds up homeless, ending up reading The Complete Works of William Shakespeare with all her belongings in bags outside the Coalition for the Homeless, as normally eye-contact, skittish New Yorkers stare at her, than have at it. I'll laugh because sometimes it's the only way not to spend the day crying.

Halloween Fun!!!

Well, it's been two days of ghastly ghouls and pretty princesses. I spent 6 hours yesterday decorating the school for Halloween. It was spectacular. The kids went wild. There was one problem, the damn sponge bob square pants pinata would not break. That is not a good sign when you can break wood and not a pinata. The highlight- 11 year old Niko crying, "Mommy the soda is messing up my makeup." "No, your makeup looks fine, honey." We are going to be hated though because those kids were so sugar wired by the time they left that they are probably still buzzing. I love Halloween, always have. Sorry to see this night end, even though I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open right now.

Broadway's inspiration...

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/27/nyregion/27bigcity.html?_r=1&hp

I'm so inspired by Terri White's story. She is possibility personified. I wish I could see her perform in this role. It's fair to say that I wish I could see anything right now, but Grease is playing at the Kravis Center here in West Palm Beach. That's not what I'm talking about. I was really down wondering how I could get out of this hole I've found myself in. Suffice it to say my self-pity party was in full sway and then I read this. It got me thinking of an idea for a play. I stayed up late last night writing an outline- something I never do. Outlines and "how to" scenarios kill inspiration, in my opinion, but this story needs structure.

Anyway, I'm inspired again, which is leaps and bounds above yesterday. Still fighting through the urge to sleep all day, I needed to laugh. I found this...

a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHNtuaVHenM

Wesley Taylor, Matt Doyle, Blake Daniel, Mitch Jarvis and Van Hughes (My Link from Hairspray. I love getting the understudies) There are other people I've never heard of as well. Hilarious. These kids are either wicked talented or heavy into illicit drugs. Either way this and the other videos, apparently related to Rock of Ages, is the funniest shit I've seen in a long time. Mitch Jarvis reminds me of Jack Black, except funny and less putrid. Not entirely putrid free but he strikes a better balance in my opinion. The "retarded" comment made me cringe a little, but I let it go. I also watched the Princess Bride rip off, I mean parody, and despite it being sacrilege, I could not stop laughing. Fun stuff.

I look to art for everything lately. I'm living vicariously through it. While I can never abandon it, I need to start living in the real world again.

I may have had a mini stroke...

...not really, but the sports loving man I live with just stormed out of the room when they announced that SYTYCD's Nathan would be dancing disco. I was prepared for "Screw disco." Or "This show is crap." What I was not prepared for was, "I would much rather see Nathan dance something like that Tyce Diorio Cancer number from last season than crappy disco." I was lightheaded from snapping my neck in his direction with a force that might have caused permanent nerve damage but I managed a "What?" He finished, "Disco. They have a contemporary dancer and their making him dance disco?"

OK, he got the right choreographer with the right dance from last season. He got the correct name and style of a dancer this season. Then after reentering the room, he followed with "I remember that kid auditioned last season and they put him through to this season because he was too young. He's good and they should let him dance what he dances." I'm sure I lost consciousness. I mean there was no bat, ball, goal, track, no touchdown, no karate chop...What?

The end of the world may be happening soon. Prepare! It's coming.

Kudos Paul Haggis

"I could not, in good conscience, be a member of an organization where gay-bashing was tolerated," Haggis wrote. I know this first became an issue and was denied after Travolta donned drag for the Hairspray film.

I'm saddened to hear that Billy Bell is not going to be on So You Think You Can Dance this season although I find it odd that he tweeted today, about five hours before it was announced that he would be out due to illness, that he was doing the "tourist" this with his mother? Weird. Something is amiss. Anyway, Sonia, whatever her name is, does not replace in any way shape or form Mia Michaels. There is really no reason to watch this season. This show is falling apart.

I took the dogs for a long walk today down by the lake. It's really pretty there and the dogs were off leash for a good 30 minutes. They are peacefully snoring at this moment.

Obama landed in Miami earlier this evening. I'd love the opportunity to explain to him how the fact that I can't find a job is depleting my will to live, but I can't afford the $500.00 a plate to get to talk to him. Bummer.

Johnny Weir....

Come on, kid! He's such an artistic skater it baffles me that he has not found a way to land the jumps. If he lands the jumps, he wins. The others footwork makes it look like they are being attacked by a swarm of bees. Ugh! I hope he finds his stride by the Olympics. It's so weird. I hear music better when I watch him skate. With the others, the music is almost incidental. He's like Andy Pellick on ice without the athleticism of Andy. Come on Johnny!

I'm going out this afternoon to watch the Jets play at the Ale House. I'd much rather have battery acid poured into my eyes, but it'll be a day out. Tonight, I will be forced to watch the freaking Yankees. I'd much rather have battery acid poured into my eyes while watching the Jets. Baseball is the worst game ever invented. I'm rooting for the Angels just so I don't have to watch the World Series. Hate baseball. There is a problem. If the Angels win, the final game will likely interrupt my So You Think You Can Dance. It's a dilemma to be sure.

Wrote another poem... The title will change.

Matter Matters

Each fleck and yarn
Translucent
Liquid
The most solid
Earth
Drains it with every
Step
Its cracks
A treacherous
Terrain
Too much of it
Left behind
To recognize
Itself

In space
It would be
A sphere
Protected
By tension
Here
Too easily
Washed away
Too Human
Invisible
Wasted
Resources
Of forgotten
Bounty

Metamorphosis
Urgently
Required
Connection
Combination
Attachment
To another
Element
To Another
anything
Nothing
Is meant
To connect
Alone

The Soloist...

Too real. It will take a while to process it all. The performances were great but I can't help but relate it to myself. I can't play the cello.

Today. My brother decided to teach me the guitar. He hands it to me and tells me where to put my fingers. For the next three hours he tries to teach me some chords. For the next three hours, I mess it up. Can't make my fingers go that way. It doesn't feel right. "Keep trying. What are you doing? Oh my God, what's the matter with you? You are not supposed to grab it like that." He snatches the damn thing and lays it on the floor and says that I'm not to touch it. After a 30 minute dissertation on the way music should flow through you and how it will never flow if my arm is completely wrapped around the neck, he tells me I can pick it up. I do pick it up. My brother's response, "Shit, you're left handed." Yes, I am. Have been my whole life. Apparently that makes a difference.